Wednesday, October 24, 2012



I recently saw a posting on Facebook of someone whom I admire admitting to losing the trust of a friend because he did not have all the facts.  First, kudos to him for taking accountability.  Secondly, it reminded me of just how insidious “assumption” can be.


Of course “Make No Assumptions” is the Third Agreement.  More importantly, as I tell my clients, “assumption is the mother of all screw-ups” – to paraphrase the old adage. 


One falls “victim” to assumption because at some level there is fear that what you “think you know” may actually be true and it is difficult for most to stand in the face of that and take accountability.  So, how does one escape the stranglehold of assumption?  Simple – communication.  And by communication, I mean CLEAR, CONSICE, EXACTING communication.


It is important that each party know EXACTLY what the other is thinking and trying to communicate.  For example, if one uses the word “confidential”, it is important to know what your definition of confidential is….do you mean just between the two of us, only your immediate circle, you might tell my friends but not my enemies or only that you won’t post it on social media.  If you tell me you’ll “have it to you by Tuesday”, does that mean you will be handing me a finished project on Tuesday or will I be getting a rough outline of what I might expect in the future.


The example I most often use is that of a ball game.  Suppose I call you up and invite you to play ball Saturday at 3pm at the Oak Street Park.  I have you repeat to me...Saturday...3pm…Oak Street Park...ball game... to be sure you understand what I am trying to communicate.  So it is Saturday at 3pm and I’m at Oak Street Park and you arrive suited up to play football.  However, I am suited up to play baseball.  I had “assumed” you know I meant baseball since that was my favorite sport.  You had “assumed” I had meant football since it was football season.


It is important to realize that even if you “think” you know all the facts, those “facts” as filtered by your preconceived prejudices and belief systems and may have nothing to do with the prejudices and beliefs of another, ergo one may be talking apples and the other oranges.


Language is simply a methodology of trying to communicate thoughts and mental pictures from one human to another.  Without the willingness to be responsible for both the sending and receiving of those thoughts and images miscommunication and assumption is the inevitable outcome.  And then we become prey to the most egregious of all relationship breakdowns….holding another responsible for an agreement they did not make.  (To be addressed later.)

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


Watch a school of fish or a flock of birds.  Notice how, without any seeming outside influence, they will all turn at one time.  This is an example of the group mind.  It works on a level outside the field of communication as we know it.


When Spirit first began to play in human bodies, its individuated parts knew that it was part of the Whole.  Communication was not necessary as everything was shared telepathically.  All information and knowledge was available in the Now, everywhere present at all moments in the time-space continuum. 


It was only as the narcissistic ego became self-reverential that words and speech became necessary.  The ability to communicate telepathically was lost and a method of exchanging experiences and ideas was needed.  Words were developed as a way to harness an “energy” of experience or knowledge and exchange it with an-other. 


As the developing human ego became more self-absorbed and identified as an individualized separate entity, it also lost the ability to be all-knowing.  Without the ability to draw upon the Isness and “know”, it became necessary to develop a mechanism to retain certain knowledge.  Thus, the memory was created. 


Several of you have mentioned that you seem to be “losing your memory”.  The ego, of course, wants this to be a source of drama and concern.  What it also wants is for you not to acknowledge that you have spent years in spiritual pursuit with a goal of learning to live connected with Spirit in the Now.  If you have ever had even one moment of connectedness with Spirit, you will know that there is no need for “stored memory”.  Should a question be posed, the answer is instantaneously available.  (Of course, most often, there is no need for even a question.)


Next time you seem to have an experience of “losing your memory”, try getting quiet, become connected with Source and allow the information to flow to you from the Universe.  It is there…..waiting on you.